


She Used to Be Mine

by temporarystatus



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Ice Skating AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-01-05 05:46:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12184068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/temporarystatus/pseuds/temporarystatus
Summary: The last Bellamy Blake saw of Clarke Griffin, she was getting some air moments before their final program at Sochi. Left alone and humiliated on the ice in front of the entire world, Bellamy set out to get that Gold medal in Pyeongchang. He just didn't think he'd have to reunite with Clarke to do it.





	1. The Beginning - Vancouver

**Author's Note:**

> This is sort of my first fanfiction for The 100, if you don't count the soccer AU WIP I'm working on right now.  
> Quickly thrown together due to slight inspiration of Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir's performances, plus the ACI 2017 and ice skating world altogether.  
> Also, I know nothing about ice skating. Like two days ago I found out what FD and SD stood for so don't get your hopes too high for factual content. Thanks.
> 
> PS: For those that don't know the years of the Winter Olympic games, just for reference:  
> -Vancouver, Canada [2010]  
> -Sochi, Russia [2014]  
> -Pyeongchang County, South Korea [2018]

The last he saw of Clarke Griffin was minutes before their free skate in Sochi. They were on deck to perform their last program of the competition and he could practically feel the Gold Medal being placed around their necks. Beside him, Clarke seemed more nervous than usual.

“Hey, you know we got this, right?” Bellamy reassured her. She only sent a strained smile in his direction, eyes on the stands. “Clarke?”

“I need some air,” she said in a rush. “I’ll be back in time for our program.” Her eyes avoided his and he watched helplessly as she made her way through the crowd to go backstage, skates not hindering a single movement.

Bellamy sighed and looked out at their competitors, Lexa and Gus. He and Clarke barely beat them out for bronze in 2010 and part of him was worried this year as they took on Shumway as their choreographer and coach as well. He knew it must have been difficult for him to split his time between the two pairs but he felt he was giving them the short end of the stick. For that, they worked with his assistant, Dax, and made some tweaks to the routine that they believed would bring them out on top.

“Where’s Clarke?” Dax asked before adding, “How’s your ankle?”

“It’ll be better once we get that gold. I didn’t push it so hard for nothing,” he grinned to the other man. Bellamy’s eyes began to stray and looked towards the locker rooms. “She went to get some air.” He simply shrugged it off. “Probably difficult to know she’s going up against her girlfriend and doesn’t want to psych herself out.”

The pair moved to the side as Lexa and Gus completed their routine and skated off the ice to get their scores. Lexa looked over at Bellamy, as if searching for Clarke, but just smiled. Probably for the cameras.

 

“Well she better be here in two minutes or you’re disqualified.”

Bellamy rolled his eyes at Dax, before focusing on the board above, waiting to see what they’ll need to beat. “She will be, stop worrying.”

But she wasn’t.

Bellamy stood at the entrance to the ice, alone, with Shumway and Dax to the side, their eyes wide in alarm and searching the surrounding areas. His ankle throbbed and he felt the unfamiliar sense of panic begin to wash over him. The announcer would call their names for the third and final time in 20 seconds and if Clarke hadn’t returned by then, they would be disqualified. All their years of training, the time they put into it, working through his injury – everything would be down the drain because of this.

He wasn’t sure how he looked on camera. He kept his composure the first time he heard their names called out, despite her absence. The second time, he resisted the urge to run his hands through his carefully manicured hair as he turned slightly towards the locker rooms.

The third and final time, he hung his head as the arena went quiet and slammed his fist down on top of the rink wall. It was deafening and suffocating all at once, the silence that filled the air. They were the duo everyone was rooting for, the ones who were supposed to bring home Gold. Everyone was counting on them.

Bellamy felt completely and utterly betrayed.

As he began his walk back to the locker rooms, head down low, he felt the sympathy ooze from the crowd as a sole announcement broke through the silence.

“Due to unreported absence, Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake are disqualified from the Olympic competition. Next up, representing America, Wells Jaha and Raven Reyes!”

//

Skate Canada Shared A Link:  
**_Cracks on the Ice_**  
_Clarke Griffin goes MIA minutes before finale performance, leaving partner shell-shocked and alone in front of Olympic audience._

//

The partnership between himself and Clarke started out of desperation.

Both were training with their respective partners just a year shy of Vancouver before shit hit the fan.

Bellamy taught both himself and Octavia how to skate. From then, they were ushered into the competitive bracket by the coach at their local rink who would observe from the stands. Despite their age difference, her tall stature made her a match for her brother and the duo were constantly dubbed as the wild card for their competitions – Octavia’s antics, his pent-up rage, and whatever crazy stunt they decided to pull were to blame. He knew the day would come when she would break away but he thought they’d have a shot at the Olympics first.

“Bell, I can’t do this anymore,” Octavia complained to him one day as she stopped mid-routine, skating out of his hold.

“We can rework the lift, it’s okay,” he said, skating towards his water on the sidelines.

Her quiet voice stopped his movement altogether. “That’s not what I meant.”

It would be a lie to say that there weren’t arguments that followed. They were about to start the 2009-2010 season and she was pulling this now? But as outraged as he wanted to be, Bellamy knew his sister deserved at least something that she chose. Skating began as a cheap option for their mom to get them out of the house while she worked. Octavia had always been pushed to work with him and as much as he loved skating, he realized they were never really asked if they wanted it to go as far as it did – it was always assumed.

His sister had already consulted with the head coach for Team Canada and was cleared to join as a solo representative in time for Vancouver. He tried not to be bitter – she was living her dream after all – but he just spent so much time working with her and their coach on the program. They had been qualified for the Olympics and he thought they’d go all the way. While no one anticipated them to win a medal, they were guaranteed entertainment on and off the ice.

“There’s another skater I’m coaching that also recently found themselves partner-less,” said coach, Marcus Kane, said to him shortly following the news of Octavia’s separation. As a way to help pay for the expenses of training, costumes, and travel, Bellamy worked at the rink in his free time. It was during a training session with young skaters that Marcus approached him.

“Are you serious right now?” Bellamy nearly exclaimed. There was only a month before the first competition of the season, the Autumn Classic International right here in Canada. That was no time to bond with a partner, create a program, and be competition ready.

“She’s a fantastic skater, a little shorter than your sister but you can make do. You guys would be a great fit.”

“You’re insane.” Bellamy’s curiosity began to get the better of him and he crossed his arms, watching as the kids nearby practiced using their toe picks. “Who could that even be? I haven’t heard anything.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that. Her mother is probably keeping it quiet,” Marcus responded. The younger man could feel his eyes burning into the side of his head but he refused to look at his coach, to get his hopes up. “Clarke Griffin.”

Bellamy nearly got whip lash from how quickly he turned his narrowed eyes to Marcus.

//

He’d be an idiot to not know who Clarke Griffin was. She’s practically the crown jewel of ice skating. Her parents were one of the best remembered skating duos in Canada, maybe even the world. Everyone knew them as the team that successfully landed the only throw triple axel. They also knew them for the simple misstep by Abby that cost Jake his life in front of thousands of attendees and their little girl.

Regardless, it felt like every judges panel had already awarded Clarke and her partner Finn Collins 10 points before their program even started. He would notice her tense shoulders after they awaited their scores. The duo was good but not as great as the judges and public thought them to be. It was one of the worst kept secrets in skating. Perhaps she knew the advantage they gave her, but otherwise she said nothing.

Their first practice went as well as could be expected, in Bellamy’s eyes. It was easy to tell that neither of them wanted a new partner so late but both were desperate for a medal. A distance settled between them and if Marcus noticed, he didn’t say anything.

“I want you guys to do some traditional moves – twizzles and everything – just to see how it looks. After that, we’re reviewing practice tapes of your routines, giving input, then meshing them. Got it?” Overall, it sounded like a bad idea but they were grasping at straws at this point.

Clarke barely looked his way as they made their way to the ice. He didn’t think she’d be gushing over him but he expected at least acknowledgement. But her head was held high and he could see her closing herself off as they got ready to hear Marcus’ instructions.

They skated counterclockwise around the rink, Bellamy taking the outer-edge as Clarke took the inner. When Marcus asked for their first twizzle, the duo almost spun right into each other. Her presence was an unfamiliar one to him. With Octavia, he developed a sixth sense for her position on the ice or what extra push or stronger grip she needed. They never needed words, sometimes they didn’t even need looks.

“Watch it, princess!” Bellamy snapped as they turned to skate backwards and Clarke’s arm nearly slapped his face.

“What are you talking about? You’re the one who can’t stay in their area!” she fired back. The blonde hair in her ponytail threatened to block the anger brewing in her blue eyes.

“Me?! You came three feet out on that transition!” He could feel the tension drawing up in Marcus’ shoulders as they continue gliding across the ice. It was a miracle they didn’t brawl like hockey players in the middle of the rink.

//

For some reason, fate gave them a good hand that year. They fought tooth-and-nail against their competition from the very beginning, improving on their program until the day before the Olympics began. Their practices had been ruthless and neither wanted to be any further of a disappointment.

No one knew what to expect from the pair when the season began. A wild card and ice royalty? There wasn’t a soul who wasn’t apprehensive when they stepped onto the ice together that very first time.

They each entered the ice though the distance was still there. Where most couples held hands as they practiced or got into position, there was still feet between the two of them. They never started a program joined together, much to each other’s delight. Their true emotions were closed off and their faces were schooled into a closed off, fake smile for the judging panel.

Though they practiced different styles before their partnership, Marcus had miraculously found some middle ground in between and made their first routines passable. It wasn’t unexpected that they didn’t place in the first competition of the season. What had mattered most was seeing how the crowd and, most importantly, the judges reacted.

Bellamy and Clarke immediately became a team to keep an eye on. Their competitors were unsure of what they could pull out as they improved their programs – would they tap into Clarke’s background or take a page from Bellamy’s non-existent rulebook?

 

//

Vancouver came upon them quickly and Bellamy and Clarke were submerged in the high energy around them. They quickly found themselves bonding with the other teams and solo skaters. One night, while at a local bar, Bellamy watched with a soft smile as Octavia enthralled the group around her with her theatrics.

He wanted a medal badly in Vancouver but knew it would be unlikely. His eyes slid over to the corner of the bar where Clarke chatted with Raven Reyes and Wells Jaha of the American team. Bellamy recalled the pair having skated together for about five years. Where Raven brought a sharpness to their routines, Wells cashed in on the emotion. The push and pull between the two created an environment that viewers absorbed themselves in.

He and Clarke were still disconnected enough that it troubled the judges slightly. Their programs were solid and the execution couldn’t be more perfect yet it missed an element. Maybe the transitions were jerky or the mesh of their styles didn’t feel natural. But, no matter what happened to him, he thought as he sipped a beer, it would have been worth it for the smile on Octavia’s face.

//

A hiss escaped Bellamy’s lips as he sunk into his ice bath. He just couldn’t get away from the damn stuff.

“You guys did a good job today,” Marcus said as he helped Clarke into her own ice bath besides him at the hotel.

While Marcus wasn’t technically lying, it didn’t feel like the truth. They thought they knew their competition. Lexa and Gus weren't the biggest threat, Raven and Wells took that title. Harper and Monty posed as large of a threat because their precision was by far the best.

Yet, somehow, Lexa and Gus changed their routine since practice, just enough to come out as the top scorers that day. With their team dance and short program behind them, all that was left to perform was the free dance. Bellamy glanced over at Clarke and could see the determination in her eyes to win.

“But, I have something important to share with you,” their coach said as he settled on the bench between their ice baths. He received a raised eyebrow from each of his skaters in return.

“You guys will be my last professional ice dance team,” he revealed, clasping his hands together.

The sound of ice cubes slamming against the edges of the tub startled Bellamy out of his shock and he watched as Clarke had turned her body completely to face Marcus.

 

“What do you mean?” she nearly shrieked.

His glance found the floor before gaining the courage to look at the pair. “I am retiring after this year.”

“Why?” Bellamy croaked when he finally found his voice. He knew this wouldn’t be the last he saw of his mentor, as they’d still pass by each other at the rink in Arkadia. But having him nearby so often made him feel even more like a father-figure than he was before.

He was getting older and wanted to spend time with his loved ones, Marcus reasoned. He felt that he gave everything he had over the years and wanted to leave on a high note. They should know before he told the press after their final program the next day, their coach added.

Bellamy shot a look at Clarke and both were surprised at how in tune their movements were when they connected eyes at the same time. It was a silent agreement between the two of them. If they had planned giving 110% tomorrow, they were now giving it 210%. Marcus had pulled them together for this when neither believed it was possible anymore. He deserved a medal for his work and passion as much as they wanted one.

//

Bellamy could feel the heat radiating from his body following his free dance with Clarke. They gave everything they had and he didn’t think they had anything left in them to get to the scoring area.

Of all their practices and performances over the past couple of months, Bellamy never enjoyed skating with Clarke as much as he did that day. His thoughts hadn’t been on the competition at all. Marcus leaving was what pushed him, and he noticed her as well, to do more than either believed possible.

The bench looked like a snuggly warm bed by the time the pair reached it. He barely had enough breath in him to take the water bottle handed to him by Monroe. As his exhausted body fell into a seat, he ignored the highlight reel of their performance being played-back overhead and found his sister not too far away, mock-Silver medal around her neck and Indra at her side.

Octavia’s solo figure skating competition ended two days prior and Bellamy had expressed how proud he was of her. He knew she’d have to wait until the end of the Winter Olympics to get her real medal but he was too proud of a brother to let her wait that long.

“I have to paint it silver but…” Bellamy trailed off the night of Octavia’s final performance. He places a necklace over her head, plastic Gold medal hanging at the end.

“Did you really bring this here?” Octavia asked, half amused and half in awe as she looked down at the necklace her brother gifted her.

“Of course,” he said, like she was ridiculous to think otherwise.

“Why’d you only get Gold? They run out of everything else at the store?” she joked.

Bellamy furrowed his eyebrows and sent Octavia a small, almost embarrassed smile. “O, I got you Gold because I know you. I know what you’re capable of.” His arms reached out and brought his sister into a tight hug. “I think the judges were shocked you didn’t pull some dangerous shit that they missed how great your back-to-back triple jumps were and that’s why you didn’t get gold. You definitely should have beat out Maya.”

Octavia had pushed her brother away and rolled her eyes, trying not to let it show how much his sweet words meant to her. Instead, she muttered in a rough tone that let Bellamy know that she was genuine, “I love you, big brother.”

As Bellamy felt Clarke sag into the seat beside him, Octavia gave him two thumbs up and a wide smile from her place in the arena.

Bellamy awkwardly patted Clarke’s knee before returning his hand to his lap as he looked over to the overhead scoring board.

While Lexa and Gus’s free dance had been exotic and enticing, a lift with his arms fully extended above his head plus their nude colored costumes left a lot of points to be deducted, which dropped them to third place overall. Bellamy and Clarke were the last pair to dance for the event and they waited with baited breaths to find out how they did.

With a 1.08 point margin, Bellamy and Clarke snatched Bronze. Marcus’ loud whoop and giant hug that followed was seared into Bellamy’s memory.


	2. The Calm - Sochi: Part One (Bellamy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The road to Sochi begins but first, Star On Ice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my way of jumping back into this story. It's a little rough and you can probably tell how much I hate dialogue but oh man, this is just getting started. There's a reason for the distance and the lack of interaction, I promise.

Jake Griffin died tragically when Clarke was 13.

Even if Bellamy hadn’t been heavily involved with skating, the videos of the accident were all over the news. How did Abigail Griffin manage to cut her one of her husbands’ main arteries on a routine spin?

There had been rumors going around for a while, that she had purposely slit his thigh open and allowed his blood to spill onto the ice in the middle of their free dance, just points away from snatching the Gold medal for the fourth time, in order to garner sympathy for a successful solo run at Worlds. Bellamy always found those to be ridiculous. He didn’t know the Griffin’s personally but the smiles the family shared always seemed genuine and loving. He felt a twinge of jealously sometimes when he’d see them.

But he never felt jealous of the events that happened that day, nor the fact Clarke had a front row seat to it all.

In all honestly, if he knew her better, if they were open with each other and thought about more than just whatever work was on their plate that day, maybe he would have seen the signs. Maybe he would have recognized her withdrawing and disappearing from his life. She infamously did it once before they met, following the event of her dad’s untimely death, leaving the world of competitive ice dancing for over a year.

 _Fuck_. He should have known.

/

Things were fine in the beginning.

The remainder of the 2010 season passed by in a blur for Bellamy. Worlds arrived a month after the Olympics and considering he and Clarke never discussed their partnership past their attempt at Gold, he spent his time at the championship cheering his sister on in every embarrassing way possible.

The annual Stars on Ice tour practices were just around the corner as well. Himself and Octavia had been approached to be a part of it when they were still a duo. Since, no one has rescinded his invitation.

When the first practice came around, Bellamy didn’t know how to describe it. For many other skaters, it looked like the first day of school. Everyone was reconnecting with old friends, catching up on what happened in each other’s lives. He was never close with other skaters. It wasn’t due to him not trying – he had friendly acquaintances but none that made him want to hang out off the ice – but he always had more on his mind. Things like bills and Octavia’s schooling always at the forefront.

So as he glanced from his position near the entrance of the arena, he felt like an outsider.

“Hey!” he heard a voice call out and turned his head.

Wells Jaha had the uncanny ability to look relaxed and friendly in every situation. If he could place a bet, it would be that the man never said a bad word about anyone else. Always put together and kind, everyone had a soft spot for the man.

 “Congrats on Gold!” Bellamy greeted, reaching a hand out to shake Wells’. The other man grinned, adjusting the strap on his gym bag as his firm hand grasped Bellamy’s. “You and Reyes ready to join us commoners as we globe trot?”

Though it didn’t seem possible, Wells’ grin widened. “Figured we should see how our subjects are holding up, collect some taxes – the usual.”

“About time you joined us!” Raven yelled from the ice, her gloved hands cupping her mouth. Bellamy couldn’t miss the grin that graced her face nor the way Wells’ features softened as he glanced down at her.

“Come on, the wifey awaits.” Wells measured a glare in Bellamy’s direction though there was no heat behind it. His chuckle echoed in the hall as they made their way to the locker room.

Wells was a guy that if Bellamy had more time with him, he knew they could be good friends. Back in the beginning, even when he was a hothead, Wells still tried to be nice to him or calm him down. But their timing never matched up. When Bellamy began to keep his cool, Wells fell into a depressive slump following Jake’s death. Their practice times during competition season never matched up and neither participated on the same Stars on Ice Tour until this year.

Skates laced up and stretches completed, Bellamy breathed deeply as his glided onto the ice.

Couples and soloist mingled amongst one another as they waited for the tour choreographers to start practice. Lexa and Gus were noticeably absent. _Probably licking their wounds_ , he thought to himself. France believed they had the Games in the bag.

His eyes continued to rove the crowd, lingering on Octavia for a moment as she flipped her hair while talking to Atom and Roma, the ice dance team from America that came in ninth. Just past her, skating in tiny figure-eights by herself, was Clarke. His brows furrowed at her tensed shoulders and the distance she put between herself and the group. He knew people weren’t the friendliest to her given her family history but he’s felt ice warmer than this.

“Careful,” Bellamy’s said in a low, rough voice. “Might crack the ice if you keep going like that.”

Clarke’s head flew up from her skates, blue eyes meeting his brown. For a moment, Bellamy felt like hers weren’t the only eyes on him.

“If only I got that lucky.”

The furrow in his brow returned.

“What’s going on with you?” he couldn’t help but ask. As he crossed his arms, he realized that she had no reason or obligation to answer him. They weren’t partners, were probably nowhere near friends, and she didn’t have to speak with him anymore. Instead, her frame sagged with the weight of whatever was on her mind.

“I shouldn’t have come here,” she says quietly, eyes darting past his shoulder for a moment before they landed on his chin. Turning his head, Bellamy glanced back and immediately noticed the glare Raven sent their direction every few seconds.

“I thought you and Reyes were cool,” he comments to Clarke before returning to meet her gaze. “Seemed pretty chummy at Vancouver.”

She scoffed in response, kicking her toe pick at the ice. “Yeah, well, _our_ boyfriend thought it was cool to keep us secret from the other.” At the raise of his brow, her voice continued through an explanation though it didn’t keep the waver in her voice from announcing itself. “I found out Finn was dating us both. Fuck, he was dating her for _years_ before he started dragging me along.”

The frustration, anger, and hurt seeped into her voice now and Bellamy had the overwhelming urge to wrap her in his arms. But he didn’t know how she’d react so his kept them crossed.

“I found out just before you and I teamed up. I waited to tell Raven until after Vancouver because I didn’t want her to focus on him instead of winning.”

Bellamy let out a low whistle, shaking his head. He noticed the choreographers stepping onto the ice to teach the group number.

“He’s a fucking asshole,” he mutters to her. “And Reyes will come around.” His hand reached out and tapped her hip, the best her could offer for comfort without worrying how she’d take it, before he skated away. This tour would be interesting.

/

The routines, while nothing like what most of them do during competition, are intense but _fun_. There’s no panel of judges sitting in front of them, waiting to mark down the tiniest mistake. There’s no race or competition to get the highest score or to win a gold. It’s pure entertainment and probably the most fun Bellamy’s had on ice since before he and Octavia went competitive.

He takes turns in the group dances and skates alongside Roma and Raven while their partners are elsewhere on the ice. Sometimes Octavia will be involved when she’s not performing a dramatic figure skating routine of her own.

While the couples from the competition are able to do a few routines as well, he sits out during practice, Clarke the only other one. It’s towards the end of their short practice days that the choreographer – Callie Cartwig, Marcus Kane’s ex-skating partner – approaches them both.

“You’ve got this chemistry,” she starts off, her black hair brushing her shoulders as she looks between the two of them. “It helped you place. I won’t lie, you got lucky at the Olympics.”

They share a glance. This wasn’t news to them. Vancouver came for ice dance with vengeance this year as if in retribution for the abuse the ice gets. Many couples skated out of sync or messed up just enough to get full points shredded from their score. If it was a normal Olympic experience, with everyone at the top of their game, no way would Clarke and Bellamy have placed that high.

“But… I want to build on that. The potential between you two is astounding,” she continues. Her comments leave the two ice dancers in shock. “This partnership is something special. It’s a shame you’re not continuing it for competition next year but I will utilize it on this tour. That okay?” The two nodded slowly, trying to let her words sink in. Callie grinned. “Good. Get in the practice room. I have a routine in mind.”

/

Taking Clarke’s hands in his own felt odd. In reality, she should have fit in like an old sweater; familiar and used to his body and movements. Yet all that met him was stiffness.

“You’re acting like we haven’t been skating together for the last season,” he grumbled to her, and they start the routine in the dance studio once more before hitting ice. It’s an emotional and intimate dance to ‘Hallelujah’. Nothing at all like what they did at competition this year.

Instead of their carefully placed distance and no overtly romantic routines, Bellamy now feels Clarke’s hands grazing his cheeks, trailing his chest, comforting him like a lover being taken away. In return, his hands grip onto her. They travel from her back to her shoulders to just her fingertips.

On the ice, they dance around each other as if they’re magnets, attracted to each other but being forced apart.

“Don’t be afraid to touch him!” Callie yelled at one point when they moved practice to the ice. Bellamy swore he can hear some of his friends snicker.

“We are too sweaty for this to be romantic,” Clarke managed through her gritted teeth as she slowed her hand against his cheekbone.

“Oh Princess, you’ve just never been properly wooed before then,” he responded with a smirk. It fell a second later as her hand dropped to his chest much harder than what they practiced all morning.

“Your sense of woo-ing and my sense of woo-ing are completely different things.”

“But it all ends up at the same place eventually, doesn’t it?”

She huffed and all-too-happily for their routine pulled her body away when the their slow spin apart required it.

/

After their first show on the road, Bellamy got the overwhelming feeling that maybe they could _really_ do it. Maybe him and Clarke could take on the competition, come back for Sochi, and win Gold. If they kept working hard –

His stature deflated a moment later. They aren’t partners. It was a one-time run for the Olympics. After tour, he’ll probably go back to the rink in Arkadia, return to teaching skating classes and maybe he’ll coach up-and-coming hopefuls. She would most likely find another partner and continue on to Sochi, snatch Gold, and be celebrated across the country.

He sighed as he came to accept the fact she’s just passing time until the next, better partner comes along.

/

Halfway through the tour, the cold tension between Raven and Clarke got to be too much. Between the practices and carefully organized plans fpr the tour buses, he just wanted it all done with so he could speak without having to worry if he’ll hurt or anger one.

“Sit,” he commanded Raven as he guided her by her shoulders to sit in the booth on one of the buses. Clarke sat across from her and he grabbed a chair to place at the head of the table before facing the two women.

“What’s going on?!” Raven exclaimed and Bellamy watched as Clarke’s features closed off.

“You guys are talking this out.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

Bellamy pushed Raven's shoulders down as she stands and he put her back in her seat, glaring. “Finn is a jackass and an idiot. You two are smarter than to let some douchebag make you enemies when neither of you knew. It’s no one’s fault but Finn’s.”

He watched as Raven shifted uncomfortably for a moment, silence washing over the room.

“You really didn’t know?” Raven asked softly. It’s the most unguarded Bellamy had ever seen her and Clarke lifted her eyes from the table, her brows creasing as she frowned.

“Raven, if I knew then I would have stopped his advances immediately and let you know what happened.”

Bellamy stepped out after that, leaving the two girls to privacy as they worked through their issues. It’s when Bellamy stood beside Clarke as they get ready to perform their routine that she sent a small smile his way.

“Thank you,” she whispered and grabs his hand. He squeezed her fingers gently.

/

Towards the end of tour, he senses a change in Clarke. She’s become lighter, happier, and more optimistic than he’s seen her before, so unlike many others on tour. Most of their friends are sad Stars on Ice is ending as grueling practices for the competition season will be starting up soon after. Yet, it’s as if Clarke is _excited_ for competition and he has no clue why. She hasn’t even started a search for a new partner yet.

However, it’s during one of their last shows, as he holds her in his arms and spins them, that she mutters in his ear, “Let’s do this,” and he understands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go watch Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir from Stars on Ice 2012 dancing to Hallelujah to see my inspiration.


	3. The Storm - Sochi: Part Two (Clarke)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The events that lead to Clarke disappearing and walking away from competition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... At this point, I'm just trying to finish this up. Not my best work I've ever written but I'm pushing through so I can at least leave this completed.

She felt the tingling in her legs almost as much as she felt the burning in her lungs. Clarke and Bellamy, when they decided to continue as an ice dance team after their Olympic run, hired a renowned team, Shumway and Dax, to be their coaches. The two men were strict. Drills were being done in three times the capacity as they had before and lifts were more dangerous than they’ve ever tried. But the two had medals to prove their effectiveness.

Her blue eyes darted beside her to Bellamy and they shared a look of understanding. Where Kane had a firm yet caring way of teaching, Shumway was ruthless. He claimed muscle memory worked best and even if they couldn’t feel their toes anymore, their body would still follow the moves in case they blanked out.

“That’s enough,” Shumway’s rough voice called out in clear disappointment.

“What?” Disbelief colored Bellamy’s voice.

Clarke echoed his frustration. “We’ve only been on the ice for two hours!”

“And you wasted that time.” She couldn’t help but cross her arms. Their time on the ice wasn’t wasted. Dax’s choreography proved to be more difficult while gliding across a slab of ice and things needed to be adjusted for safety and efficiency, neither of which their coaches were thrilled about. It was an Olympic year so the stakes have been raised even higher.

Bellamy’s muttering caught Clarke’s attention. “Of fucking course.” She glanced towards the entrance and watched Lexa and Gus step onto the ice, Shumway’s wide grin greeting them.

When they undertook Shumway as their new coach, it meant a few things. First off, the two had to move to Polis to where Shumway practiced. The new city was located hours from Arkadia and was occupied by their biggest rivals. They anticipated the split time they would endure as both teams were gunning for medals in Sochi. Yet, clear favoritism was at play.

Angry and frustrated, Clarke led Bellamy off the ice, their practice cut disgustingly short.

//

The opening of the heavy wood to her apartment caused Clarke to look away from her current sketch. Bellamy had a look of concentration during practice yesterday that she had been itching to draw. She had never seen someone hold so much passion.

“Hey, babe,” Clarke greeted with a smile. Lexa’s lips twitched slightly before she dropped her bag by the door. She watched her girlfriend carefully tip off her shoes as she closed her sketchbook. “How was practice?”

“Fine,” Lexa responded shortly. As she hung her coat on the rack in the entryway, her brows furrowed at her girlfriend of a year. “What did you get up when you left?”

Clarke hesitated.

She never understood where the bad blood between her girlfriend and her partner started but she tried to avoid involving the other in her conversations. Where Bellamy’s mood would shift, allowing a dark cloud to hang overhead, Lexa would fidget and close off her already stoic features.

As she looked at her girlfriend now, awaiting an answer, she recalls a comment Bellamy made once. “The most emotion I’ve ever seen on her face is when she performed her tango with anger in 2012.”

“Just got some food,” she answers vaguely, smiling gracing her face once more as she leaned forward, arms on her knees. Lexa studied her features for a moment longer then nodded. “No more skating talk,” she continued, mowing past the sore subject in their life. There was a reason that one of their rules when they started dating was to keep work separate. “Are you hungry? I’m thinking Italian tonight.”

Clarke felt Lexa’s eyes on her as she reached for her phone to pull up the number of the restaurant down the street. “That’ll work.”

//

“I swear, it’s like he gets off on getting us angry,” Bellamy grunts to her as their practice gets cut short once more. It’s almost a regular occurrence these days.

“We should honestly just go to the local rink and practice by ourselves,” Clarke responded with a sigh as she sat on one of the benches surrounding the rink. Her nimble fingers reached down and began untying her laces.

Bellamy snorted. “You? Offering to spend unobligated time with me past getting food? I’m shocked.”

“Yeah, well,” she begins, “don’t think it’s because I’m starting to like you.”

If she was being honest, she had to fight to keep the smile off her face and she knew Bellamy could tell. She wouldn’t say the two of them were best friends but they knew each other’s coffee orders, their tells when something wasn’t going right and frustration kicks in. It comes as a realization that they’re starting to understand each other.

Their texts, though few and far between, began as a way to complain over Shumway’s difference in coaching to Kane and if he should have been a drill sergeant in another life. From there, it expanded to grabbing a quick bite when their practices got cut short. Outside of that, their lives remained pretty separate. They knew very little about the other that wasn’t already common knowledge in the skating world.

The local rink was pretty empty considering it was the middle of a week day. She knew chances to get a full run-through of their routine was still slim but they could practice their trouble spots.

They returned from the NHK Trophy in Japan just two days ago with notes from the judges of what they could improve on. Less than a month from the Grand Prix Final, and coming in first at their last competition, they wanted to maintain the lead they held.

Their skates slide across the ice as the two made their way around the outer edge of the rink. The ice held one other skater who seemed content to grip the edges.

“I don’t know about you but our twizzles were perfect so I don’t know why we didn’t get a perfect score on that,” Bellamy began as they familiarized themselves with the new ice.

Clarke snorted and sent him a look. “You know they weren’t and you’re just saying that so we don’t have to practice them anymore today.”

His lips quirked up into a smirk and he shrugged. His legs pushed further and pulled him in front of her. “Why don’t we practice the transition into the stationary lift instead?” he said, completely ignoring her comment. While she rolled her eyes, Clarke didn’t argue.

Bellamy had tamed considerably in their third year of partnership. Where he was a hothead and wild card with his sister, he tried to stick to the rules when skating with Clarke. She assumed that Octavia and him would egg each other on mid-skate to try something ridiculous and off-program.

She gave credit to their original Olympic run. All they could think about during that time was learning the mesh of their two routines, adjusting them to the judges commentary, and working their asses off to place. That didn’t leave time to goof around or think about anything _but_ skating the perfect program.

Clarke counted aloud before beginning her low turn towards Bellamy. The classical piece played softly in her head as she schooled her features to match the program. She looked at Bellamy’s earnest expression and they skated towards one another, meeting with their arms wrapped around one another and beginning a spin.

All thoughts of competition, relationship drama, and practice stresses left her mind as her body was suddenly in the air and she felt herself press against Bellamy. Her focus was on keeping her legs straight as he kept them rotating.

She gave herself a moment to appreciate the soft skin of his chin, the breaths puffing out of his nose that flowed against her neck. This was something that amazed Clarke. As rough as his hands were, their touch on her back was always gentle. His demeanor, all sharp edges and dark looks, was a stark contrast to who he was with his sister and friends. She felt lucky to see that side in the rare moments.

It gives her a feeling of weightlessness that has nothing to do with the spin.

Her legs bend and she curled herself into his body as Bellamy lowered their spin to the ice. She wish they recorded it because to her, it felt perfect.

//

“Lexa, I can’t do this right now,” Clarke stressed as she rushed around their apartment. Where were her skates?

“When will we do this then?” Lexa asked with a raise of the brow.

Clarke’s answer came with a sense of finality. “Later.”

“Where are you going right now? It’s seven at night!”

Clarke was barely paying attention. The bright white skates stood out to her in the back of her closet and she quickly reached out and pulled them into her duffle.

“To practice.”

Lexa huffed in disbelief. “To practice? Really? Your practice was this morning.”

Clarke stood up, duffle on one shoulder and keys dangling from the opposite hand. “It got cut short an hour and a half into it,” the blonde couldn’t help but shoot at the woman before her. She watched her girlfriend stiffen and her features neutralize.

“I had nothing to do with that,” she answered quietly.

“So it was Gus demanding more rink time then?” Clarke questioned. She knew she was going to be late to practice at this rate and felt bad for keeping Bellamy waiting. Lexa stiffened even more.

“We have the Olympics coming up-”

Clarke shook her head, brushing past her girlfriend in the doorway of their bedroom. “So do we.”

Slamming the door had done little to make her feel better.

Practice at the rink felt brutal. Clarke was distracted, the argument with Lexa playing over in her mind. Her footwork was sloppy and she was a second off on every move they did.

“Clarke, what is going on?” Bellamy questioned when they skated to the bench for some water. They only had about forty-five minutes left before the rink closed for the night. She shook her head and quietly apologized. Telling Bellamy about her Lexa drama would worsen the situation, she was sure.

“Let’s try the twizzles once more,” she replied instead. She heard Bellamy’s sigh beside her. There was still two weeks until the Grand Prix Final; she would get out of her head well before then.

They skated around the outer edge of the rink and looked to the other before counting down to start their spins.

Twizzles were by far their least favorite part of any program. A requirement by the ISU for each program, the spins got her dizzy and the aspect of twirling in perfect sync with her partner had been a hard one to overcome when they first partnered together. The past two years had allowed them to easily accomplish this but the fight with Lexa had thrown Clarke off completely.

At the end of their sequence, Clarke felt her toe-pick hit the ice and she fell right towards Bellamy. Their colliding bodies smashed against the ice and his yelp of pain immediately attracted her attention. She never heard a sound like that before.

“Shit,” was all she could say as she get on her knees and looked him over. His hands had flown to his ankle. The wince that crossed his face showed how badly he was trying to control his pain.

Clarke called an ambulance, much to Bellamy’s embarrassment. The fact of the matter was she knew she couldn’t bring him to her car and she didn’t want to worsen the injury with any attempts.

“This is ridiculous,” Bellamy sighed as he laid back on the hospital bed in the ER.

“No it’s not,” she fought back. Guilt was eating her up inside. This was all her fault that it happened in the first place. If he couldn’t compete in the Olympics this year, it would be because of her.

“My ankle is fine. I just need to rest it and put ice on it,” he said with a shrug.

“Let’s just see what the x-rays show.” Her bottom lip made itself home between her teeth as she paced the small curtained-off area they waited in. Not even when she was partners with Finn did an injury occur that could have eliminated them from their biggest competition year.

“Mr. Blake?” the doctor asked as a way to announce his return.

“I’m fine, right?” insisted Bellamy. She felt her entire body sag in defeat as the doctor sighed, hands gripping the mobile computer station with Bellamy’s stats.

He sprained his ankle. The doctor called it a Grade III sprain and that he needed to rest – no skating allowed for a few weeks. Her eyes darted between the two men in the room as Bellamy fought back.

“What if I rest when I’m not competing?” he asked, as if he would be competition ready in two weeks.

“It would depend on how you’re feeling but I doubt you’d be ready. I advise against it,” answered the doctor. He clasped his hands in front of him as he stared down the young man before him. “I understand that ice skating means a lot to you but if you don’t allow your ankle to heal, you could cause further complications and may worsen the injury.”

Clarke felt as if she was having an out-of-body experience as Bellamy got fitted for a boot he was required to wear for the next two weeks. His best course of recovery would be to take the rest of the season off. She had already accepted that before he signed the discharge papers. She felt bad for being the reason to trash his Olympic dreams down the drain. Maybe if she was open with him, maybe if she didn’t get involved with another skater on an Olympic year, maybe if she –

“When do we leave for Grand Prix again?” Bellamy asked the second he was situated in the car. Clarke’s hand froze inches from the ignition.

“What?” she deadpanned. There was no way she heard right.

“When do we leave? Day of competition, we’ll get to practice early and secure more time-”

“Bellamy!” Clarke exclaimed, looking at him as if he grew three heads. Did he not hear what the doctor said?! “Did you not hear what the doctor said?! You could hurt your ankle even worse if you skate before you’re ready.” Bellamy’s brows softened at her outburst.

“Clarke… this is our year. We only lost one competition so far and I’m not going to let us miss out on the Olympics.” She felt his eyes boring into her own and their breathing fall in sync. “If you’re with me, if you are going to give your all and not look back, I want to do this. I will rest when we’re not at competitions, ease myself back into practice closer to Four Continents, and then we’ll win Gold at Sochi.”

“You’re going to cause permanent damage or something to that ankle. We should take the rest of the season off,” she responded, trying to get him out of his own head.

“I will deal with whatever is happening with my ankle _after_ Sochi. If you still want it, we’re doing it. We are in this – together.” His stare felt as if it could touch her soul. She nodded and whispered her answer.

“ _Together_.”

//

The Grand Prix Final was rough to say the least. Clarke watched helplessly as her partnered put all his strength into making sure his hurt ankle didn’t screw them up. It wasn’t their best competition but they did fairly well, considering the circumstances.

Upon returning to America, the pair had just over a month before the Four Continents Championship. Bellamy continued to rest, a doting Octavia at his side as well as his girlfriend Gina, who seemed adamant about his rest but was reluctantly supportive of his decision to push through.

Things between her and Lexa stayed tense. Their apartment was a battlefield in a stalemate. She felt as if they tiptoed the living room and maneuvered away from hidden bombs that may disrupt their ceasefire.

Four Continents was their last competition before Sochi. The last chance to get critiques from the judges so they can perfect their scores for the Olympic Games.

“How’s the partner doing?” Raven asked in lieu of greeting the night before the start of competition. It was a tradition of sorts to grab a bite to eat at the hotel bar the night before each competition. Everyone tended to stay away from alcohol until after they skated their final program and Four Continents was no exception.

Raven happily settled herself on the stool beside Clarke and the blonde laughed. “Ever thought of joining the Ski Jump team with how fast you got to that topic?”

The dark haired woman simply raised an eyebrow. “You’re ignoring my question.”

A sigh left Clarke’s lips and her hands gripped her water.

“He’s doing better. He’s performing almost like he never got hurt. But I think he’s still feeling pain,” she reveals to her friend.

After Bellamy sat them down during the Star On Ice tour over three years ago, their friendship made its way to new heights. It took time to get over the hurt Finn caused them both but it created a stronger bond between the two. The two compared notes at first, of what Finn would say to them and gifts they would receive, as a way to cope with the situation. From there, they shared their tragic backstories – Clarke reliving her father’s death some nights and Raven avoiding calls from her mother. Raven was probably the person she was closest with, Wells the exception as she grew up with him.

Raven reached over and grasped her wrist. “Hey,” she said, her voice softened. “He may be stubborn but he wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize your chance. This means too much to you guys. It’s probably just some discomfort. It’ll be okay.”

She knew that her friend had seen Bellamy’s stubbornness firsthand, but it would be just like Bellamy to put his own injury on the back burner if it was acting up. However, Clarke knew that broaching the topic with him would do more harm than help. She only hoped that he would take into account his own health and acknowledge his limits.

//

Clarke and Bellamy were on top of the world after winning at Four Continents. All that was left on their path were the Olympics.

Last time they competed for the Olympics, the cards were stacked against them. They placed just out of podium at every competition and had some serious luck to get Bronze. This time around, each couple was pulling out all the stops.

The compulsory pattern for ice dance was the Finnstep. A required element for the season, each pair struggle to transition from their choreography into it at the beginning. At Four Continents, Clarke knew her and Bellamy did it best. She knew their strengths, they had worked on their weaknesses, and she felt that Gold was in the bag.

“I think we could get podium this year!” Harper said the night before opening ceremonies in Sochi. She grinned as she sipped from her martini.

“The only way you’d podium is if Clarke dropped out,” Lexa commented on the other side of said blonde, taking a sip of her own alcohol. While the other girls laughed and took it as a joke, she knew the tone associated with it. How could her own girlfriend want her to drop out? And just days away from competition? Shouldn’t she be thrilled they’re both expected to do well?

A snort from Raven on the opposite side of Harper broke Clarke from her thoughts.

“You wish she’d drop out,” Raven said to Lexa after waving down the bartender. “Her and Bellamy placed four whole points ahead of you at Continents.”

The group of skaters around them chuckled at the teasing but Clarke felt her girlfriend tense.

“Do you think you have a chance to beat us, Rae?” Clarke teased back, trying to ease the tension in the atmosphere around Lexa.

“Oh, you bet me and Jaha are getting Gold!”

The conversation around the bar continued on with trash talk though Lexa participated in none of it. Clarke observed as she exited quietly to her hotel room, barely giving Clarke a kiss goodbye.

Her next practice with Bellamy came a few days later when festivities began to boil down. There was an excitement in the air that bounced around the anxiety each held. The team competition for figure skating came first and, although the Canada skaters placed better across the board all season, Team Canada found themselves with Silver medals. Gold was just at their fingertips for the individual event.

“You ready to grab Gold?” Bellamy asked as they did warmup skates. His grin was infectious and Clarke couldn’t help but push her legs faster.

“I can already feel it.”

The day before their first individual event, things started going to hell.

Practice had gone well except for a shaky spin in which Clarke and Bellamy, facing each other with bodies in opposite directions, held up their partner’s leg as they rotated. The spin was supposed to conclude with Bellamy straightening first and Clarke bending her leg to continue an individual spin.

However, during the conclusion on one of their run-throughs of the spin, Clarke’s toe-pick nicked Bellamy’s thigh and she lost it.

With red dripping down Bellamy’s leg onto the ice, Clarke felt herself become 13 again. Before her was her father’s blood, spewing across the ice beside his body as his hands could do nothing against the bleeding. She could feel all sounds drowning out of her mind and focused on the utter doom that consumed her. She repeated her mother’s mistake. She had nicked an artery and Bellamy would be gone before the ambulance could arrive. Her breathing picked up and Clarke felt as if no inhale could satisfy the burning need in her lungs. Black began to dot her vision and the rink squeezed in on her.

“CLARKE!” someone yelled as they shook Clarke’s shoulders. Dax ran onto the ice with Shumway who helped Bellamy to the nearby bench. Why weren’t they going to hospital yet? How are they stopping the blood?

“Clarke! Are you with me?” Dax asked as he shook her violently again.

“I – I – I –” she stuttered. “His – the – stop – artery,” she managed between broken breaths.

“He’s fine,” replied the assistant coach, looking at her as if she were crazy. “You caught him just above the knee. He’s fine, just dramatic.”

“Just above the knee?” Clarke questioned to herself. Her eyes roved over her partner watching as he stepped back on the ice, a tiny bit of gauze taped to his skin a couple inches above the knee, only visible due to the tear in his pants. Besides the sight of a barely present limp, he seemed fine. “Just above the knee.” Clarke confirmed the minor injury to herself before steeling herself for what would come next.

Warmth encircled her wrist in the form of a hand. “Hey,” Bellamy whispered. His voice forced her eyes to meet his own. “I’m okay.”

Shumway ended practice not long after. Telling the two of them to get some rest, Clarke bid farewell to Bellamy, apologizing for the fourth time, and made her way to Lexa’s hotel room.

Her knuckles rapped against the door and she bounced from foot to foot as she waited.

“Clarke… what’s wrong?” Lexa asked, the concern lacing her velvety voice. Clarke felt the tears well up in her eyes and she stepped into her girlfriend’s open arms.

“I made a mistake,” she sobbed into Lexa’s robe. She barely made notice of the door closing or Lexa maneuvering them to her bed. “I made a mistake and I felt like I was back in that rink and – and – my –”

She couldn’t finish her sentence but Lexa understood.

“It will be okay.”

The next morning, Clarke put the free dance and that dreaded move in the back of her mind. She would concern herself with that after her short program with Bellamy.

Her focus went all in on the short that afternoon. This time, her and Bellamy would win Gold. This year was theirs – and in fact the best they’ve performed. Concentrate on one thing at a time, she told herself.

“You okay?” Bellamy asked while they waited for their turn.

Clarke nodded and smiled. “Are you?” she asked, nodding to his ankle. Bellamy tilted his head and grinned back.

“Nothing a Gold medal couldn’t help.”

They finished the short section an eighth of a point before Lexa and Gus. Ecstatic for her girlfriend, and just minimally sad that her own team wasn’t in first, Clarke looked forward to celebrating.

“We’ll practice that move again tomorrow morning,” Shumway told the two of them after scores and once press interviews were done. The two nodded though Clarke’s nerves were beginning to return. What happened if his leg came out a little too far next time she bent her leg and she _does_ hit his artery this time. As much as she wanted to put that behind her – Canada was rooting for them to win and wanted the happy ending for the enemies-turned-partners that they watched grow over the few years – the memories and possibilities haunted her.

Clarke made her way back to her hotel room. Lexa had to get in the zone by herself the night before each event and visiting Bellamy felt like it might invite the wrong idea, especially since Gina couldn’t be in Sochi. So she resided herself to speaking with Lexa in the morning.

“Is a Gold medal really worth this?” Lexa asked when Clarke sought her out before breakfast.

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows and looked at Lexa. “Are you kidding me? He worked through an injury to get here. Of course it’s worth it!” Lexa simply stared her down and Clarke felt like she was calculating something in her mind.

“What if his leg extends too far out and you do hit an artery? Would it be worth it then?”

These were the fears that Clarke voiced to herself not long ago. This was what ate her alive.

Her breathing began to pick up as she replayed the moment in her head. Had her toe-pick come that close? Were the possibilities as plausible as her fears made them out to be?

Lexa sighed and pulled Clarke into a hug. “Shhh,” she attempted to soothe. “Maybe you should think about this and not compete,” her girlfriend suggested. Clarke pulled away.

She could feel the drying tears on her cheeks as her eyes searched Lexa’s for an understanding. “Wh-what? No.”

“Clarke, you’re risking your partner’s life,” Lexa tried to reason. “It’s for the best.”

“For who?” questioned Clarke. She took a step back and pointed a finger at Lexa. “The best for who?” she repeated, a firm detachedness finding a home in her voice. “You?”

The skater shook her head, light brown tresses caressing her shoulders as she did.  “For you. Look at the mental state this has put you in,” she said. The cold that enveloped her arm from where Lexa attempted to comfort her almost causes a shiver through her spine.

“What is this?” pleaded Clarke. Why was she suddenly trying to push this? Was her girlfriend really putting a Gold Medal first?

“Besides, it’s not worth the risk. France and the US made a deal,” revealed Lexa who promptly began to gather her items for practice. “You are not going to win no matter what you do. So do you really want to hurt Bellamy in the process for something that’s not even in your reach?”

Clarke’s jaw dropped.

She wished she could say that Lexa’s words didn’t affect her. She wished that they just rolled off her shoulders and in return she gave the best performance of her life. She wished that she never even sought comfort from her girlfriend.

Er – ex-girlfriend.

Clarke wished she could say all those things but instead, the only thing she could say was that she was a coward.

Dressed up, hair done, and makeup on, Clarke stood beside Bellamy as they waited for the next two pairs to finish before their turn. Flashes of memories, old and new, popped into her mind as she attempted to shake out her hands. _Blood. Ice._

She couldn’t get the worry out of her mind and she felt her eyes well up again. Flittering around the room, her gaze landed on Lexa.

The brunette raised an eyebrow at her and seemed unaffected from the events that transpired in her hotel room hours earlier. Lexa’s eyes, with her eyebrow still ticked up, traveled next to Clarke to land on Bellamy’s thigh, before her stare bore into Clarke’s own. Lexa’s head tilted to the side, in disappointment and almost what seemed like sympathy.

“Hey, you know we got this, right?” Bellamy reassured her. She only sent a strained smile in his direction, her eyes on the Lexa. “Clarke?”

“I – I need some air,” Clarke managed to get out as she turned to Bellamy. He frowned, knitting his eyebrows together. “I’ll be back in time for our program,” she added as she avoided his eyes.

Clarke made her way towards the locker rooms, the blades on her feet not hindering her for one moment. Her fingers grabbed her duffle and, without even bothering to take her skates off, she hurried out of the arena as her and Bellamy’s names echoed on the loud speaker three times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up? Another time jump.
> 
> Comments/criticism are not required but are appreciated.


	4. The Sun Behind the Clouds - PyeongChang (Part I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before Bellamy and Clarke can come back together, they need to work through some of their own issues first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout-out to millipop who beta'd and edited this chapter for me. So clearly if there's any mistakes, it's all her fault and totally not mine at all.  
> (for real, she's the coolest and the best.)
> 
> ((p.s.: if anyone knows how to tag someone in these notes, please let me know so I can properly tag her. Until then, check out her work here: https://archiveofourown.org/users/millipop/pseuds/millipop)

He avoids the press the best he can. They came sweeping like vultures, ready to paint him in whatever way will sell the most magazines and newspapers. Almost every avenue they might take – from shell-shocked partner to fighting duo to burnt out lovers – flash through his mind, but he knows none of the stories will be true. _He_ doesn’t even know the truth.

He stays through until the end of the competition, hiding in the back of the stands under scarves and beanies to cheer on his teammates, friends, and sister. Despite his best efforts, it comes half heartedly and his mind is barely present, save for the medal ceremonies. Octavia wins gold for figure skating, Harper and Monty surprisingly take the gold in ice dancing, followed by Raven and Wells with silver then Lexa and Gus in third. He knew people were split in their predictions between himself and Clarke, Raven and Wells, and Lexa and Gus, but the duo in first place deserve it and have risen the bar all season. He tells them as much before he boards his flight home.

Bellamy has surgery a week after he returns from Sochi. The competitions and strain he put on his ankle the past few months worsened his injury to a point of a severe stress fracture, that required surgery as part of a rare but necessary point of the healing process.

He’s on bed rest for three weeks. It nearly becomes four before he loses his mind and insists that he’s feeling better and that fresh air would help move him along.

And then there’s Gina. Sweet, beautiful, kind, and giving Gina. The woman Bellamy had fallen in love with over the past six months – who had to deal with his crazy training schedule, his events out of the country, and now his surgery – has been by his side all along. But he’s noticed a change within her. Her demeanor is still as sweet as ever but her affection has receded. Maybe it’s to do with his own sour mood. After all, he was left abandoned on the biggest stage in sport, his partner nowhere to be seen, and not a word heard from her since.

He tries to be on his best behavior for Gina. God, he tries. But sometimes the hurt and betrayal win out. How could he not have seen it coming? How could he have been so blindsided?

“Bell,” Gina says softly as she enters his bedroom. He’s laying on his bed, foot elevated and book in his lap. His smile is small but he does his best to give her all he has. “You have a visitor.”

For a moment, his heart skips a beat. Did she really come here?

“Hey Blake, how you doing?” Raven greets, walking through the door. Part of Bellamy deflates.

If it had been Clarke, he doesn’t know how he would have reacted. How could she do that to him when they agreed they were pushing through everything to chase this goal _together?_ He was so angry and frustrated and hurt… and heartbroken almost.

The Latina is followed in by her partner and the current Gold medalists.

“Hey, guys. Where’s the jewelry?” he asks, nodding towards their empty necks. He closes his book and places it on his bedside table. The muscles in his arms strain slightly as he maneuvers himself into a sitting position.

“Thought we’d wait until you weren’t injured to rub in how great we are,” Raven tries to tease. But there’s a hesitance and a note of regret at the end of her sentence, leaving the air heavy between the group for a few seconds as memories from Sochi flood their minds.

“Raven…” Harper chastises. Bellamy can sense the joking note in her voice and simply grins as the light-haired beauty focuses on him and continues, “She’s still upset we beat her out.”

“Not true!”

“Oh, just accept it, Raven.”

“How are you holding up?” Monty asks him in a gentle tone a moment later.

“The ankle’s stiff but it doesn’t hurt too much.” From the look the others share with each other, he knows they’re upset with his answer.

“You know what we mean, Bellamy…” Raven trails off in a soft tone, so different from anything he’s heard her say before. Two pairs of brown eyes meet for a moment and then Raven sits beside him.

Words fail him as he continues to look at the group before him. How was he? Physically he was still a little sore, muscles tight from lack of use and ankle stiff. Emotionally, he didn’t know where he stood. His partner left him to stare at the ice as millions of people wondered what was going on. Team Canada lost their chance to get two medals so their entire country felt let down. And he…

He felt alone.

Clarke and he had not been friends. Acquaintances, yes. Comrades in a silent war against Shumway and Dax? Of course. But to call them friends would be a stretch.

But it didn’t stop the ache from forming in his chest, the dark lonely monster from creeping up behind him. They had a level of trust between them. It was necessary, considering the dangers that came with this sport. Apparently, that trust wasn’t enough, though, and it pains him that he didn’t stop the events at Sochi from happening.

His eyes lift from the stark white sheets below him and look to his friends surrounding him. Hot air tickles his dry lips as he sighs. “I don’t know.”

Wells claps a hand on his shoulder and squeezes. With his hand, he alleviates some of the guilt overwhelming Bellamy.

x

Clarke takes the first flight back to Canada. Her taxi from the stadium brings her to the nearest airport and with just her duffle on her shoulder and ice skates dangling between her fingers by their laces, she boards the plane, a borrowed sweatshirt covering her Olympic outfit.

It’s painfully clear to her that she will be returning as one of the most hated women in Canada. Not only did she leave her partner on the ice without reason or explanation, but she also prevented the country from snatching the medal count lead. But she couldn’t compete. It wasn’t worth the risk of hurting – or even possibly killing – Bellamy.

She had poked around and Lexa was right. France and the US made a deal – the US would vote favorably for France in the team events as long as France did the same for the US in the individual events. With a fixed ending, she saw no point in risking anything.

Oh God… he was going to hate her.

It’s not the first time the thought’s run through her mind. Wheels touched down in Vancouver hours ago and she’s lost count of how many times that one thought has haunted her. They’re not friends so it shouldn’t matter… but they were teammates– partners. She knows she should have spoken with him beforehand, but she also knows he would have tried to convince her to still skate. He would have been successful, if that had been the route the events took. So instead, she kept her feelings bottled up and abandoned him during their biggest moment.

She wonders how his ankle is doing before another twinge of guilt and remorse tugs at her heart from opposite sides.

He risked further injury and she deserted him as if their time together meant nothing.

The black hood of the sweater is pulled over her head as she finally arrives at her apartment. She’s grateful that no media has decided to camp out in front of her building but she still rushes inside. Laying low for the next few weeks is her best bet, she knows. And she can deal with her entire country hating her. But god, she wishes she had the guts to reach out to him and apologize.

Despite it being little more than a day since the events transpired, an apology already feels too late. So her phone sits in her pocket untouched and she curls onto her couch, staring at the black screen of her television and willing the silence to swallow her up.

She only did it to protect him… from her. A repeat of the events that led to her father’s demise had clearly been laid out in front of her and she refused to do that to Bellamy. No matter how much pain it caused her. It was for the best.

It’s not until a few days later, when Clarke has finally decided to start unpacking her things from Sochi, that she realizes her shield – the black sweatshirt that protected her from prying eyes – belongs to him.

x

It’s weird, to Bellamy, how slow time passes yet how it speeds by at the same time. The two year anniversary since Sochi approaches quickly, but it’s felt like it’s been a few months away for a year now.

His eyes scan the skaters on the ice who are going through warmups, seeing his sister in the current group as she counts quietly to herself.

“She’ll be fine,” Gina says to him with a soft jab to his side. He rolls his eyes before they retreat, watching the other skaters on the ice to make sure they keep their distance.

Gina broke up with him around four months post-Sochi. While the relationship had been great at the beginning, whatever they had been fizzled out and they both deserved more than just hanging onto each other for the sake of not being alone. He’d never fallen out of love and out of a relationship so amicably before. Bellamy hopes that they would have remained friends if it weren’t for Octavia’s close bond with the girl, but he knows that would be lying to himself. It had hurt at first, seeing her and knowing that what they had was over, but it ultimately was for the best.

Following the recovery process for his ankle, Bellamy retuned to Arkadia Skate. Kane greeted him with a tight hug, telling him that his ears were open if the younger man ever wanted to talk, and then optioned him for which classes he’d like to teach.

The beginners ice skating class is what jumped out to Bellamy first and he took to it right away. Three different classes meeting twice a week meant that Bellamy got to rediscover where his joy for skating came from. His youngest group, filled with kids from four to twelve, were amazed by everything they could accomplish. The teens were awkward and wobbly. His heart went out to Charlotte when she would struggle – more from the stress of what her parents expected her to become than what factored into learning to skate. The adults may have been his favorite though. With much of the class older than him, their reasons for learning to skate resonated with him most. Some never had the chance to when they were a kid and were intent on fulfilling a lifelong dream. Some were parents who wanted to be able to support and teach their kids. Others just did it for the fun of it. There was no competition held over their heads or the stress for every aspect – every turn and line – to be perfect.

It refreshed him.

Bellamy’s eyes find Octavia’s figure as practice ends and he sighs in relief at no sloppy collisions from the other skaters.

He doesn’t get the chance to see Octavia compete much anymore. It was easy when they were on the same competition route, even easier when they were a team, but when she competes in Canada, he moves heaven and earth to see her. He just lucked out this time that the competition was so close to Arkadia.

“She’s up!” Gina squeals excitedly after watching two other competitors. Bellamy sits at attention, a small smile on his face as she skates to her position.

When their eyes connect through the crowd, Bellamy mouths to her, “You’ve got this.” He has no idea if she can see but he senses that she knows anyway. He’s transfixed by her program as always, amazed at her fierceness and how every spin commands everyone’s attention. Silence envelops the arena and spectators watch with baited breath as she goes through a series of jumps.

Bellamy’s so enamored by her program that he doesn’t even notice Lincoln’s hulking figure sit beside him.

At the conclusion of Octavia’s program, Bellamy jumps up quicker than anyone else and hollers his support and approval. He sees the subtle movement in Octavia’s face that indicates she’s rolling his eyes and his proud smile turns smug.

“Hey,” Lincoln’s quiet voice says once Octavia is off the ice. “Bellamy.”

His head whips to the taller man beside him, noticing his appearance for the first time.

Lincoln started dating his sister last spring during the Stars on Ice tour. A pairs figure skater, his partner Indra had taken a liking to Octavia amongst as quickly as he had which meant for Bellamy that he had someone keeping an eye on the couple. With Octavia smitten from their first meeting, Bellamy initially was hesitant to throw his support in for the couple. Lincoln was two years older than Bellamy and the age gap left an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach for a while. It wasn’t until Octavia confronted him, asserting her independence and urging him to trust her choices, that he gave it a shot.

What made Bellamy happy was that their competition schedules lined up almost perfectly, which meant that the two were rarely separated for long periods of time. Distance had a way of coming between couples, especially in this business. But with these two, he was confident what they had would last. Bellamy never thought he’d be so excited at the prospect of gaining a brother-in-law in the not too distant future.

Which made him do a double take at Lincoln. Pairs practice was currently going on in the nearby rink for the next day.

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be practicing?” Bellamy asks. His arms cross and a list of scenarios, good and bad, run through his head at once. Either Lincoln was planning on proposing to Octavia during the medals ceremony or something bad happened.

“It’s Raven…” the other man begins. “There was an accident at practice. She’s alive and awake but they’re rushing her to the hospital.” He feels rather than sees Gina standing up behind him and gathering their things.

“Is she okay? What happened?”

The questions hurry out of his mouth almost as quickly as the blood rushes to his ears. He barely registers Lincoln saying she fell from a new transition she was attempting. Images are conjured in his mind when ‘leg’ and ‘mangled’ enter the air between them.

Gina places a hand on his back and ushers him forward, looking over to Lincoln as she moves him out. “I’ll bring him over,” she says and Bellamy remembers that she became close with all of his friends too over the course of their relationship. “And you can bring Octavia once you let her know. Okay?”

A nod from Lincoln is the last thing he remembers before the hospital’s waiting room appears in his eyesight. His mind blanks when he tries to recall the journey or whatever conversation took place in the car.

Gina rubs his shoulder, moving to check on Monty and Harper who are already seated and worrying. He knows she can’t stay long and that she has to leave, but it’s okay. There’s not much she can do right now except wait and he figures she’ll be back tomorrow anyway.

His feet drag him to Wells and he slumps into the seat on his left.

“You okay?” he asks. Wells’ dark hands are still shaking despite being clasped together and he notices the knee bouncing up and down. Blood stains the top of his pants and the bottom of his shirt. Bellamy has to avert his eyes.

Wells struggles to release a sigh. “She really wanted to try a new transition from one of our lifts into the twizzles and I knew I should have calmed her down or told her that we should try it off-ice first but-”

“I know how Raven gets,” Bellamy finishes softly. The smallest amount of guilt eases from the other man’s eyes and their lips twitch up in small, matching smiles. “You know what else I know?” he continues a few moments later. “Raven Reyes is a badass and she will not let this stop her.”

x

Clarke is at home painting when she hears the ping of a Twitter notification. It was something she had set up just before Sochi and just about abandoned immediately after. She mainly uses it to keep tabs on her old skating friends, now that she’s too ashamed to contact most of them personally. Instead, her only tweets consist of general good luck wishes to them, spelling out their names but not their usernames, so they won’t be alerted, every few weeks during competition.

Separating herself from the ice skating world for nearly two years has not been easy. When she was younger and Wells was her only friend, grief welcomed her with open arms and she allowed it to surround her every being. Becoming Bellamy’s partner was her undoing. They both discovered new friendships amongst their competitors and allowed their bonds to grow. Clarke’s chest tightened when reminiscing the events of Sochi and she knew that in leaving Bellamy behind, she also left her friendships with the others.

There had been a few texts, mostly from Raven and Octavia, with one from Monty just asking for an explanation and one from Wells telling her that he understood and would be there if she needed anything. They all went unanswered.

Raven’s persistence and Clarke’s deep friendship with Wells that she couldn’t abandon is what reconnected them. While they weren’t as close as they had been before, friendly exchanges had become easy and more frequent.

Her breath escapes her and refuses to return when she checks the alert on her phone.

 **International Skating Union** @ISU_NEWS

_Olympic Gold Medalist Falls, Is Rushed To Nearby Hospital; Condition Unknown_

Below the news article link is a low quality photo of a skater on the ground, blood painting one leg and black hair fanned across the ice. Her heart stops for a moment as she immediately recognizes the figure. _Raven_.

Clarke doesn’t even think to change out of her painting clothes. Instead, she grabs her wallet, keys, and slips on whatever pair of shoes are at her front door.

Her blue eyes scan the article once more as she arrives at the hospital mentioned in the link. No new updates. She hoped that Wells is here. She hasn’t seen her friend in what feels like ages. There were in the middle of competition season so she knew most of his time was wrapped up in that, but he still made time for a lengthy phone call every other week.

Wells was her main support system in the aftermath of Sochi. Though he didn’t agree with the way she handled the situation, he understood. The longtime friend was the only one who went through the traumatic events of her childhood and held her hand through the funeral and media mess after.

She would do the same for him. And for Raven.

The emergency room waiting area is on tight lockdown. She slows her approach as she sees security stood outside, double-checking that people were actually visiting family or friends in need and not the injured Olympic athlete. Clarke’s heart begins to race. _Would she be allowed in?_

“Who are you here for?” comes the gruff voice of one of the security guards.

“Raven Reyes. I’m her friend… Clarke Griffin,” she answers quietly. The guard looks into the system and nods, letting her into the waiting area.

In the corner of the room are all the people she hasn’t seen in nearly two years… including him. She clenches her trembling jaw, determined to not let a single weakness show. She didn’t have that right anymore.

Wells is the first to spot her. When he does, he shoots out of his seat, crossing the room to her.

“Clarke,” he whimpers into her neck the second he pulls her into a hug. Damp spots form on her shirt from all the tears he’s tried keeping in all night.

“I’m here, Wells,” she whispers to him, closing her eyes. “She’s going to be okay.”

Her hand travels up and down his back as she pulls him tight. Part of her heart breaks as his uncertain and guilty tears rack his body. Wells mumbles through an explanation, blaming himself and Clarke is quick to pull that off of his shoulders. He whispers his gratitude for her getting his messages and coming to the hospital for them both, and she doesn’t have the heart to tell him she hasn’t looked at her phone since she saw the news alert.

The heavy weight of a pair of eyes studying her settles in her spine even after breaking apart from Wells minutes later and accepting Monty’s hug. Harper’s enthusiasm and tight embrace brings a small smile to her lips. The comfort the group offered her during her time as Bellamy’s partner is something she has forgotten since her self-imposed distance.

The stare gains weight as Clarke greets Lincoln and a hesitant Octavia, who seems to have straight from competition if her outfit choice is any indication. And in their brief and awkward embrace, ocean blue eyes meet a chocolate brown pair for the first time in two years.

Pulling away from Octavia, Clarke opens her mouth to say something – _anything_ – to Bellamy but no sound comes out. Instead, she is saved by the doctors who approach Wells about Raven. Her heartrate picks up and she feels the anxiety settling beneath her skin. There’s a stinging pain in her palms as she watches the exchange from afar until it registers that the pain is coming from her own nails, pressed tightly against her skin because of her curled fingers.

“Breathe,” a deep voice says quietly from beside her, trying its best to keep the emotion out of the sentence. A shaky breath escapes her lungs as her eyes slide to the side. She manages just in time to see Bellamy moving away from her and towards Wells.

The doctor allows only Wells to see Raven at first, as she’s still in recovery and he’s her emergency contact. There’s a tense silence that fills the waiting room and despite the happy greetings earlier in the afternoon, Clarke finds herself sitting apart from the group of friends. They were never really hers to begin with, if she thinks about it. Sure, her and Bellamy made them at the same time but he was the one who kept them.

“Hey,” a soft voice breaks her train of thought and Clarke looks up, uncurling her fists to see Harper standing before her. The girl’s relaxed attire suggests that they were on break from practice when Raven’s accident occurred. She suppresses the shiver that threatens to run through her body as the blurred images of the incident invade her mind.

 _So much blood_.

“You okay?” Harper questions and Clarke feels guilty for a moment, having gotten lost deep enough in her head that she forgot the blonde was there.

“Yeah,” she starts, clearing her throat. “Sorry. What’s up?”

The other woman gives her a half smile, sensing that the situation was weighing heavily on her, and tilts her head towards one of the winding hallways on the side of the waiting room. “I’m going on a coffee run. Want any?”

“Uh, no. No, I’m good. Thanks,” Clarke whispers and smiles the best she can as she feels her mind drawing her back in.

 _Where is Wells_? Her heart drags down in her chest as her mind jumps to the worst conclusions. The words of comfort she whispered in his ear earlier feel hollow as her brain imagines every way the fall could have happened and the most horrible outcomes. She wants to believe in Raven, her strength and resilience, but the bitter taste of her father’s accident reigns supreme.

“Raven’s awake,” Wells says in lieu of a greeting a half hour later. The sleeves of his sweatshirt are rolled up and he’s wringing his hands together.

“How is she?” Octavia voices first. The group exchanges looks, not sure what they’re prepared to hear. Her eye catches Harper gripping Monty’s hand with her free one and Lincoln wrapped his arm around Octavia’s shoulders. For a brief moment, Clarke’s eyes meet Bellamy’s – a silent sign of support, despite their history.

Wells takes a breath and Clarke feels her body go rigid.

“She’s… as okay as she can be right now.” No one knows how to respond to that because they don’t exactly understand what it means. “I’ll explain on the way. They just moved her to a private room and she wants to see all of you.”

The group follows in silence as Wells leads them to the elevators. What sight would greet them when they got there?

Huddling close together in the elevator, the wide space, able to accommodate for a hospital bed for transport, suddenly feels suffocating. Wells’ dark finger presses for the fifth floor. He takes another breath, looking at his shoes before letting his eyes meet the group.

“The accident was,” he pauses for a moment, trying to find the right words but failing, “bad.” It’s something the entire group knows, whether from being there or from news reports. “She completely shattered bones in her leg and she had a metal rod in her shin. The fall, uh-” he clears his throat, and Clarke can see the tears welling in his eyes. “When she fell, she hurt her back too. They think with some rehab, she’ll walk with just a tiny limp. But uh… they don’t think she’ll skate, at least competitively, ever again.”

Just like that, all air seems to escape the elevator.

x

If he thought the wait to hear on Raven’s situation was tense, walking to her hospital room after learning the news that she would never skate again is even worse.

Bellamy finds himself lost in the middle of their group’s small pack. He doesn’t know how to process the information yet. Raven and Wells were at the top of their game. They won Gold six years ago and got Silver just two years prior. He knew that they were eager to go against Monty and Harper to settle the friendly rivalry between them once and for all at PyeongChang before potentially retiring.

Not only was Raven’s entire career over, but she had a long rode ahead of her with her recovery and the need for rehab. Bellamy aches as he thinks of the different ways she will refuse everyone’s help, too stubborn for her own good sometimes.

Raven is awake, alert, and putting on a better face than what her mood probably is, given the situation.

“Raven!” Harper says when they enter the room, trying not to let all her emotions flood her voice as she rushes forward to gently hug her. The dark-haired woman gingerly hugs her back and closes her eyes for a moment. Bellamy watches as everyone goes forward to give their own hug and even as he pulls away from his own, he notices Clarke hanging back still.

“I expect one from you too, Griffin,” Raven says, her voice watery and betraying to put together façade she has. Her arms reach out for the blonde who all but collapses into them. He looks away as the two let silent tears roll down their cheeks. It felt like a private moment they were all intruding on.

“How are you holding up?” Bellamy asks when silence falls upon the room and everyone has settled to their own space. His eyes watch as Wells, who has taken the seat beside Raven’s bed, reaches his hand towards his partner. Raven grabs it without looking, her own gaze trained on Bellamy.

“It sucks,” she offers with a small smile and shrug of her shoulders. He holds back his huff of frustration at her trying to play off the situation, but he also knows it’s how she deals with it. “But I’ll be okay.”

“If you need anything, we’re here for you,” Monty reassures her. His arms are crossed and Harper has her hand resting on his back.

“Keep practicing, so that I know you didn’t slack off when I come back and we still beat you at PyeongChang,” she answers with the ghost of a smirk. The joke and bravado fall flat on the room.

“Hey now,” Wells says gently, nudging his elbow against hers softly, and the room turns to him. “I thought I finally convinced you to join me in taking up competitive chess leagues.”

The group lets out a collective laugh as Raven rolls her eyes and mutters something along the lines of “Fuckin’ nerd.”

Needing to take a breath, Bellamy excuses himself for coffee and offers to grab anyone else some, glad that no one calls him out on the fact Harper did a run less than an hour ago.

He mindlessly wanders the halls. His heart aches and pulls in so many directions that he finds his thoughts jumping from one to another.

Raven, despite the cool act he played for the room, was defeated for the moment, He saw her with Raven, the look in her eyes that her world was over, and felt it creeping in the back of her gaze as she laid in that hotel room. Skating took up so much of her life and now it was ripped away, in one moment.

But Wells… Bellamy sighs in relief as he thinks of how close the relationship between the partners has grown over the years. Wells had been a mess when he arrived at the hospital, freaking out for his partner, their team, and for the _love of his life_. Bellamy had been anticipating that jump from a professional partnership to a personal one for some time but to hear Wells announce his feelings for Raven with such despair cut at him. The two were sitting on the cusp and Bellamy hopes that this accident doesn’t push Raven away from the edge.

He has faith, though. Wells has already cemented himself as her partner in life, in whatever capacity she would take, and he feels relief at the fact that Raven has someone who loves and cares for her so much. She deserves it.

He would have done that for Clarke, he thinks, fleetingly at first. Then he remembers how he put his own injury and healing process on hold for a time so they could achieve their own dreams. He doesn’t want to, but he does wonder what their partnership would be like now.

They would be in that room, supporting each other like Monty and Harper, and Octavia and Lincoln. He doesn’t let his mind linger on the possibility of them ever turning romantic – it never crossed his mind during their partnership because they weren’t even friends.

The idea of being in a friendship with Clarke burns at his insides. He still holds so much anger at her. She stole his dream right from his grasp, right in front of the very place he had intended to live his dream, a tease and a form of torture all at once. The emotions from that day had taken a long time to deal with and he feels it coming back and bubbling at the surface.

Bellamy still doesn’t know what got in her head that day, but he knows it hasn’t been easy for her since they returned home. He wants to allow the fury to overtake him but he holds back. Maybe he pressured her to keep going after his injury and he was partly to blame as well. He yearns to ask but to be in her presence any longer is going to be difficult if he wants to let the cool, civil atmosphere to continue to prosper.

It’s as if his prayers are answered for once, because he catches Clarke leaving Raven’s hospital room, waving goodbye as she closes the door halfway. But the answering of his prayers stop there, as her eyes catch his form emerging from the hallway and she stops outside the door. His feet push him forward and he stops outside Raven’s door, watching through the small crack as she laughs because of a story Octavia is telling, her hands gesturing wildly. The sound of his name being dropped affirms it’s at his expensive and he doesn’t want to ruin the good vibe with coming in just yet.

His eyes linger on her leg, elevated and in a sling, covered in bandages and possibly a cast.

“It’s not right,” Clarke mutters from beside him and it takes all his will power to not jump. He thought she would have left.

“No, it’s not,” he answers, letting the double meaning between his answer linger in the air between them. If she didn’t walk out on him two years ago, they probably would have been at today’s practice, gearing up for the event taking place tomorrow. They would have been working their asses off for the Olympics in two years.

Clarke is silent for a minute and when her voice fills the air between them, it’s quiet enough that he’s surprised to hear her words.

“Do you think we missed our chance?”

He crosses his arms in an effort not to comfort her as her voice cracks halfway through the sentence.

“Well, _my_ chance was taken from me,” he throws at her, the silence around them making his sentence feel like a physical blow. He catches her wince from the corner of his eye.

“I – I’m sorry.”

“Okay…” he says with a shrug, determinedly not looking at her and feigning disinterest. This is the apology he’s been waiting years for and somehow, it doesn’t feel like enough. It’s not an explanation. She abandoned him. At the place where they had put their all on the line.

Her breath catches and it takes a moment for her to formulate her next response. “Bellamy… I never wanted to hurt you.”

His hands fidget, shaking with anger and he uncrosses then crosses his arms a few times to collect himself. He refuses to allow an outburst ruin the scrap of a good mood currently in Raven’s room.

Finally, he turns to the blonde, ignoring the tears in her eyes.

“I’m not sure what you wanted to do, Clarke,” he practically spits back at her. “You didn’t want to hurt me but you didn’t think to let me in on what was happening so I could help.”

“I didn’t… it wasn’t that…” Bellamy turns away, not wanting to watch her struggle for the words, to force past the pain of the situation that’s lodged like a lump in her throat.

“Whatever. It’s been two years and our time has passed. What happened at Sochi – it doesn’t matter now.”

x

Bellamy returns for classes at Arkadia Skate a few days later. He wishes that he’s able to say that Clarke’s words haven’t affected him and taken root in his head, but it’s like they’ve moved into every available crevice.

The beginners class for adults gathers and takes his mind off of things for a half hour before he allows them to go on their own, trying out what he has been teaching.

“Everything alright?” Marcus Kane asks as he skates over to Bellamy. The younger man allows his eyes to watch the skaters for another moment before turning to Marcus. Furrowing his brow, he shrugs.

“Yeah. Everything with Raven sucks but she’s working hard not to let it overtake her. And Wells is good by her side.”

Marcus eyes him for a moment and tilts his head to the side. “Sure that’s all, son?”

Bellamy sighs, returning his eyes to the skaters and cheering them on for doing a great job.

Glancing at his former coach and current boss from the corner of his eye, he bites his lip. “Is it crazy if I say I want to go to PyeongChang and finally win Gold? As if I’d be able to find a partner and be in competition shape to make the Canada team.” He huffs out a bitter laugh, crossing his arms. The thought has been circling in his head since Clarke asked if he thought they missed their chance. They practically had Gold in the bag at the Sochi. They could have won. He tasted what victory could have been like and never got to enjoy it.

“I’ll see what I can do,” is all Marcus says in response before skating off the ice, clapping one of the elder skaters on the shoulder gently as he goes.

“I wish,” Bellamy mumbles to himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Next up, the road to Sochi and the tumbling of a then-beloved partnership.  
> Constructive criticism is my favorite so be sure to leave some! :)


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